Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Heartaches and backaches.

I'll start with the Heartache part. On Friday I was getting ready to celebrate the weekend with Stuart because he got the whole weekend off. We were heading out to Bob's Burger and Brew with his family and grandparents. Just as we were heading out Beki, my little sister popped up online and I jumped at the chance to talk to her because she doesn't have the internet in her flat and I hardly ever get to talk to her.
She said she had some news and I was scared. Last time she had something important to tell us she was 14 and pregnant. This time it turns out she's 19 and pregnant. With twins.

That there is my heartache.

Feelings of guilt, betrayal, anger and plain old confusion have been at me since then. There are 3 years between us and Beki has always been over-protective of me. I've always tried my best to be a good example to her and choose the right so she can see how happy it makes me. It never worked though. Beki never wanted to do things that would make her like me. She always got really angry when mum muddled our names up and called her "Laura". I had to accept her over-protecting me but she wouldn't let me protect her.
I was lead to believe though that we were best friends. Since she had Cameron I thought we really were best friends. I stuck by her and helped her when a lot of other people were talking about her behind her back and abandoning her. It was hard for me because the things I hate most is being lied to. We worked it out though and are grateful to have Cameron in our lives. He's amazing.
Through conversations we've had in the past few years I thought she was doing alright and making things better but that was just what she wanted me to think.
So here I am and there she is. All I want is the best for her. I want her to be happy and I want to be her best friend.

On to Backaches...
(For Uncle John) My injury is a Lumbar sub-luxation. I partially dislocated my spine.

I passed my drug test (see "Urine Luck") and was able to start work on Monday. Today is Tuesday and I'm not at work. I'm lonely.
I went to work on Monday and 35 minutes into the work day I had to go have a wee sit down. I worked slowly with the help of my loyal Jansport pals who kindly brought me boxes to work on so I didn't have to lift anything. I went home at 10am. Everyone else was sent home at 2nd break so I didn't feel too guilty leaving them.
At 3pm yesterday I went to see Bill jr. His technique is different than his brother's. He asked how that went and I told him his brother killed me. We had a laugh about that and then he saw the bruises on my back. I just figured he left the dirty work to his brother because I'm always telling him that I don't want to cry or scream or be hurt and he didn't have the heart to do it himself. Oh well.

I think Jansport regrets hiring me. They might even want me to quit.

Oh, my 10 year green card arrived on Friday too.


Shannon said...

Yay for the green card!
As for your sister, maybe you ARE best friends, and her doing well is all perspective? Perhaps she IS doing well, or better than she was and you don't see it from quite the same light? From my own past experience I can say, even when we ARE in fact doing "better", we sometimes make mistakes. I'm in no way saying her being pregnant is a mistake, I don't believe in such a thing, I'm just saying the action may have been the mistake. Just stand by her, give her the best support you can, like you've done and continue to be a great example. Little sisters see it and appreciate it, even if they don't acknowledge it. That, and we don't know what kind of timeline she is on as far as God's plan for her. Be patient, that's the most important thing, I think.

Laura said...

I agree with all you said, Shannon. I always thought that Cameron saved her life.
We aren't best friends because she said so. That wasn't my choice. I'm continuing to try my best for her and just don't believe she's truely happy. I won't be happy until she starts showing and behaving in a way that tells me she's truely happy. That's all I want for her... and for you, Shannon. I have great respect for sister's who raise their children on their own but have even more respect for those who continue through and use their experience to help others.

Shannon said...

Your sister is the one who's losing out by not having you as a best friend. Obviously I realize that doesn't make you or her feel any better, but it's the truth. I really hope that she finds true happiness and contentment in her life. I know she will. Hopefully it's soon so that you both can feel better. You're an amazing sister for looking out for her and caring for her like that. Just remember though, don't take her burdens upon yourself too much. There is only so much you can do, the rest is in her hands.

Crazy Walker said...

:( < That's my sad face for you. It's always tough when our siblings don't make the decisions we hope for. My little bro had a baby (well, his girlfriend did) when he was 18, got married, 30 days later was divorced. Now he sees the little bugar about every month or so. So sad.

So sad about your back too! I understand the back pain thing...old snowboarding injury coming back to haunt me as I scrub a dub floors.

I hope you get back to Jansport soon! Don't feel so badly about it, any employer knows that there's always one worker trying to work the system. ;) < That's me being a smart alec.

Krispy said...

Certainly is a fertile little thing, isn't she? Sorry for the lightheartedness. I can only imagine what a hard thing to go through this is.

Laura said...

I think she got my share of fertility.