Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Brain clouds.

1. Stuart is pretty sure he isn't going to persue dentistry anymore.
i) There's only 2 more semesters until he's done here. Then what?
ii) I'm scared.

2. I really feel like I need to go home for Christmas.
i) We don't have money for that and we really need to not spend money at all seeing as we don't know what road we're headed down after-school wise.

3. Since talking about the Dentistry thing a few days ago I've been having little panic attacks through the day where I feel like I just need make sure Stuart's ok. We don't have a way to communicate so that makes for very long, stressful days ie. Friday when he was on his field trip and got home at midnight.
i) With today's panic I found myself rearranging the furniture - we only moved in a week ago. I did however end up putting the curtains up and some pictures too.
ii) I also hoovered twice... if we had a crappy hoover that would make a tiny bit of sense - it's still sense even if it is tiny!
iii) I think my acid refluxy thing might be stress related and it makes sense- When I feel sick mentally I've been feeling like I'm physically going to be sick. Need to get that under control.

4. I keep myself under good control but sometimes I get a little burst of "holy crap! what's going to happen?!" I know that we'll be fine and that we're still young so nothing has to be set in stone. We can still have fun. Part of me wants him to get a job right out of school so we can settle down sooner and be able to afford a family - or just health insurance. The other part of me for some reason thinks that if he doesn't go on to more schooling we'll be poor forever and our kids will wear ugly clothes and starve...
i) I know that he doesn't need more schooling for us to be stable. Stabley poor is ok too. I might even be made for that. Stuart will take good care of me. I know that.

5. I haven't been sleeping well these last two nights and when I get up in the morning my neck hurts.

6. I need to kill all the negative, stupid thoughts I'm having. When big, life changing choices come up like this I sometimes mentally curl up in a ball and think horrible things ie. If Stuart wasn't married to me he wouldn't have so much stress.
i) If my back wasn't an idiot I could work and help bring home some bacon and then life would be peachier.
ii) I'm honestly completely done with this back pain and have been for a long time. It can leave whenever it wants. Shoo!

7. I'm renewing my goal to make the most of our time left here. No more pity-partying. I'm going to focus on being more positive or being more consistantly positive anyway. I'm happy to be here and I'll make the most of this time in our lives. We're lucky to have what we have and be where we are.

Tomorrow is a new day. Which reminds me:

Today is a new day.
I've been given this day to use as I will.
I can waste it, or I can use it to do good.
What I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in it's place something I have traded for it.
I want it to be gain, not loss.
Good, not evil.
Success, not failure.
And there must be no regrets.

No regrets. That's what I'm going for.


t.m. said...

Hey Laura, its been a while!! Way to go on the positive attitude. Where are you guys living? We are now in Heartland on Pioneer Road. That top pic was my little brother, so that is probably why it threw you for a loop. It sounds like life is a bit crazy right now. We are a couple semesters ahead of you right now, and I remember how it felt when we were at your stage, not knowing what we were going to do. BUT I do know that if all your ducks are in a row you will be blessed and it will all work out. It is a lot easier to say that looking back now. Hope for the best!

Sherpa said...

Oh! I'd give you a hug if I were closer.

Laurie said...

I just want you to know that since we've been married, my husband has switched jobs twice. Each one MUCH better than the last. But the decision to do so was *beyond* scary!!!

When things are confusing and scary like this, it means your life is shifting into another, more mature phase, and that GOOD change is on the horizon. We (the majority of us) just don't like the process of change as human beings, because it is a painful process, but once it's over, you'll look back and be grateful for having to walk through the fire. I promise!

Kritta22 said...

You go girl!!
Think positive!!
It will work out, for sure!!

Josh-Sally-Annabelle Yates said...

Thanks Laura. I do love The Nester. I look at her blog often!

Josh-Sally-Annabelle Yates said...

Thanks Laura. I love The Nester. I read her blog often!

Jon and Sarah Jackson Family said...

It's okay Laura. I know it can be scary, but you have to keep your faith. Just think of all the times you have come so close to being completely out of money and food, and how it has always ended up working out in the end.

Just a suggestion, but maybe Stuart should try to find a job with some company that would help pay for his graduate school. Jon plans on going for his masters within the next few years because his company will pay half of his tuition up front, and then reimburse him the rest after he graduates. He will still be able to work while he goes to school, and in the end, he gets a masters degree for free. I know there are lots of companies that do something similar to this.

Linzi said...

Listen to Sarah, she's smart.

Jessica and Tanner said...

All I have to say...

Is that you looked absolutely gorgeous on Sunday! I don't know if you even saw us there, we were sneaky, but I saw you! That Red dress was so pretty on you! So... you may have a lot on your plate right now, but at least you're smokin hot!

By the way... you should come over tomorrow! Cookies make me feel better, that's for sure.

Lawther family said...

I totally understand. Our move to Rexburg was a HOLY CRAP move that ended up bettering our lives...
Then our move to Utah was another HOLY CRAP move too. Both have brought happiness and joy to us, and now we find ourselves starting our own company and out of money and you know what, our kids don't care one bit. They are happy and healthy and thats all that matters to us.
So way to go on the possitive outlook. I think we all need a day or two to freak out and we need the little reminders that each day is a new day for us to use as we will. Thanks for the reminder.
Wish I was there to help you vent! :) Love ya

Dixon Family said...

Like Mandy says - we all have those oh so scary, "what are we going to do next, how are we going to survive?" moments. But then we always do... and then we have more moments, and then we survive again! :) I've had a share of those myself! I've finally gotten organized in the new state with the new home and the new baby, and now I am back to the blogging world! I'm so glad you found our blog, and that you have so many links to our other UV friends. How did you find us anyway? Well, hope things get better soon, if nothing else, you've always got that fun Scottish accent, that I can hear even in your writing and it makes me smile!

The Glicks said...

Hey! you guys are going through the same thing as us!! My hubby was doing dentistry then accounting. now that he has only 2 more accounting classes left and is almost over the credit limit he has decided to be a seminary teacher....or maybe a Philosopher...maybe ethics...or maybe do geology and dig rocks all day long!!! AAAHHH!!!