Friday, May 22, 2009

Dear Diary,

Being on this bed restish regime has given me not much else to do but think. I'm not exactly where I thought I would be at this stage in my life. In a few ways I'm quite disappointed with myself and with where I am. I understand that I am here because of choices I made and not bad choices at that. I just want to record this whilst the thoughts are streaming through my brain. I'm not being woeful. I just want to be able to read this and remember it for when we have children some day.

The best choice I ever made was to get married to Stuee. The way things fell in to place is amazing to me. His life plan had changed and when he thought that his puzzle would never be complete without that one piece - a piece worth two years of personal growth; a piece that is taught makes or breaks a person - another piece came along. Me. He missed his chance to go on a mission for our church but he didn't miss the chance to get married in the temple. I realise now that my black and white way of looking at things isn't necessarily right. I still believe that we have two choices - right and wrong - when it comes to most life decisions. Sometimes it doesn't matter at all though. Sometimes you can have more than one good option to pick from... this is besides the point...

I want to remember how it feels to be newly wed and to not know what the future holds. I want to remember the excitement. I want to be able to help my children be excited about the unknown, the adventure. I'd like to be in the situation where Stuart and I, as parents can help our children financially. To give them the gift of freedom that we'd have liked. A honeymoon, a beautiful wedding. That first feeling of Independence without the pressure - the sleepless nights worrying about rent which I understand is part of growing up but who doesn't worry about that stuff naturally? I want our kids to be able to ask us for help without having to freak out about things first. I want them to be responsible enough to know what to do to take care of themselves and then to be able to ask for help and not be ashamed.

I'd like to be able to pay for all of our children's tuition. Married children need extra help. I want to have a private relationship with each of my children. To treat them all equally, like adults. I want to be able to smile at them when they need help, to be happy to help. Asking for help is hard. Why make it harder? 

I'd like to help them be able to always live in their own apartment when they're married. To pay for health insurance for them if they can't afford it. To be secure. If we can afford to make life easier for our kids financially we'll do it. If not we'll find other ways to help them. Pay for car insurance one month or rent or give them a gift card for groceries - pocket change. Take them out for dinner when we visit - take them and their friends out to dinner. Treat them.

When it comes down to it some things really aren't that important. If one of my children asks for financial help I never want to ask "what have you been spending all your money on?" and judge the situation like that. Having to ask for help should never feel humiliating or like a punishment for having bought the more expensive shampoo or for eating Kraft mac and cheese instead of Western Family. When a life guard saves someone from drowning in a pool do they ask them how they got in the situation to determine if they deserve being saved?

To do:
Raise children to understand the importance of hard work and team work.
Reward children equally.
Celebrate with them.
Always assure them if they need help we're there for them.
Help when asked. No strings attached.
Set up saving funds and/or education funds for children.
Teach children to respect one another through our words and deeds.
Teach children to share.
Lead by example.
Teach them that our home has rules and the same rules apply to everyone under the roof.

I remember helping my mum make Sunday dinner every week. Doing little jobs in the kitchen whilst she did the bigger parts. I was happy to help. I wanted to spend time with her - sort of like payment for all the times she spent with me when she could have been off doing something else. Repaying respect is more important than repaying money. I remember helping my dad dig a tree stump out of our front garden. I hated it - I don't think he enjoyed it much either but we were together, working hard, getting something done. He never asked for my help. Those are the things that are important. I want my children to be thoughtful instead of having ulterior motives. Spending time together is a gem you can keep forever. Kind words are little treasures that you can't buy or sell. They're priceless.

I'm glad I was raised the way I was. There's things I'll change when I have kids but being able to talk about those things with my parents is something I don't want to change. To have parents who have listened to me tell them what I'll change when I have kids, parents who have understood and agreed and haven't taken offense but shared suggestions of what they would have changed. I want to be like that. My parents let me make my own choices and never butted in, they encouraged me. 

"You can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it and work hard."

4 comments:

Crystalbell said...

I really loved this post. All of it!

Most especially this paragraph, and every more especially the last sentence of this paragraph: When it comes down to it some things really aren't that important. If one of my children asks for financial help I never want to ask "what have you been spending all your money on?" and judge the situation like that. Having to ask for help should never feel humiliating or like a punishment for having bought the more expensive shampoo or for eating Kraft mac and cheese instead of Western Family. When a life guard saves someone from drowning in a pool do they ask them how they got in the situation to determine if they deserve being saved?You're wonderfully enlightened, Laura. Thansk for sharing your thoughts and wishes for your future and your children's future.

bequi said...

I feel the same way about missions. Anthony didn't go on a mission. My whole life growing up I thought I'd only marry a return missionary, and here we are, me and Anthony, just loving life. I know we made the right choice for him to stay and marry me instead.

Megan Marie said...

What would it be like to have tuition payed? I can't even imagine the feeling. Today I said, "Matt, we're never going to be well off, are we?" and he replied, "Oh, you'll be fine. I'm working on a plan to make my suicide look like an accident." It made me realize I would rather be poor with him than rich with anyone else. Life is tough, that much is true. And rewarding.

Wendy said...

You make me smile. Love you Porridge. x