Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm mad at myself.

You're probably about as sick of hearing about my back problems as I am trying to pretend it's not as bad as it actually is but...

I'm mad at myself for being in so much pain. I hate that to me being in pain feels like I'm failing at something - at not being in pain probably. I'm annoyed that as much as I try to ignore it it doesn't go away. I wish I could forget about it as easily as other people. I hate saying "I can't do that but I really do want to." I hate explaining I can't because of pain and I hate how it sounds like an excuse, I hate excuses. I hate having to call Stuart into the room to help pick something off the floor for me or put something in the oven for me. I hate even talking about it - like giving it more attention that it deserves, like it feeds off of the attention like a disobedient child or something. I hate that making Sunday dinner is painful. 

The only thing that I find funny about it in a really sick way and that I can use to explain how bad it is is that my Chiropractor said, "When you first came in I was like, 'Whoa!' You're injury is the worst I've seen in my 15 years of practise." 

I'm back on the 'no bending, no lifting, no twisting' regime and I need to go in to my Chiropractor two more times this week and by the end of the week I'll be the owner of a back support belt. Whine whine whine. I know I'm being ugly!

I don't gripe too often, right? At least now I don't feel like I'm carrying as much stress tension in my back. 

I need a doughnut.

8 comments:

Chiemi said...

Aww Laura I am so sorry. That really stinks.

Scott and Stacia said...

Go get yourself a doughnut!! You deserve it!! I complain about my back a ton and I can tell you right now that mine isn’t half as painful as yours! I was only in pain as you are describing, 2 incidences that lasted no longer than a week each. It was the worst thing ever! Hang in there and try to be happy!! Sounds like you have a great chiropractor!

Lauren said...

I am sorry! Chronic pain is the worse. Drew's mom threw her back our a couple of weeks ago and it immobilized her I can't imagine what you are going through. It is your pain and you can whine about it all you want. It isn't like your pinky hurts having an injured back makes moving pretty much any part of your body painful. I feel for you and will keep you in my prayers that this chiropractor of yours can work some magic!

whitty-acres said...

yes. a donut. get one now and chip up dearie! (metaphorically- the real kind would just be really painful)

Karen said...

Allen's sympathetic about this (or would be if he was reading it). He always says he can't help people move because of his back, which is true, but we feel like it sounds like we're just trying to get out of it. He's had two expensive surgeries-- we just don't want another one. I hope your chiropractor can help!

Megan Marie said...

I think I broke you. I should never have made you jump on my bed or lay in the mud.

bequi said...

This is the first complaint I've seen. I think you may have mentioned it in passing a few times on your blog, but it's not like you focus on it all the time or anything. I hope you get feeling better really soon and that your chiropractor can fix you, or at the VERY least make it more manageable.

Robert & Helen said...

In time Kiddo, This too will pass.
I wish I could help, love you, mum Xx.