Well, I made it home to Stuart. On Tuesday morning we left Montrose at 2.45am and got to the airport around 3.30am. My dad prefers to pick me up/kick me out at the curb rather than parking the car. So I got out and said goodbye to him and my mum walked me in to silent, empty airport. There were no employees there yet and no customers so I told her it was ok for her to go - seeing as they still had work that day and we had gone to bed around 10pm that night after a family dinner and Where The Wild Things Are.
I asked her what advice she had for me - this is tradition. As I leave she gives me some of her wisdom. This time it involved the wonder of time. Time never stops and yet there's not enough of it. Use it wisely. Perfect words, as always.
We hugged a bit and she left and I sat in the airport too tired to even really know what was going on.
I checked in just about 15 minutes after my mum left and went down to the lounge and zoned out until boarding. My flight left at 6am. I landed in Amsterdam where they've started a new security assault-course. Due to that there were 70 passengers who for some reason couldn't get through because of ticket trouble. The plane was about an hour late taking off. This was the longest leg of the journey. The flight was 10 hours long. I was lucky to have a friendly German guy sitting next to me and I kept bumping into him after we got off the plane.
I landed late in Seattle and had to go through customs. Part of flying from a non-English speaking country in Europe means there's less English-as-a-first-language passengers. I got stuck behind an old man who didn't know English and had to go through the metal detectors 6 times because he had jewlery on, he had things in his pockets, he was going through too fast... I then had to reclaim my baggage and then bolt through the airport.
This was my final flight of the day and I missed it. I actually got to the gate, sweating like nothing else and in my bare feet because I couldn't run fast enough with my shoes on and with a backpack that I swear was getting heavier with each step - 4 minutes before departure time but they had left. I didn't even have the pleasure of hearing my name over the speaker. This was at 3.30pm. The next flight out was at 5.05pm and it left from the side of the airport I just dashed from.
Needless to say I plonked myself down in the D gate and took a nap then made my way back to N. I looked awful and smelled like death.
Missing my flight worked out quite well though, I got a rest. I was only worried about my luggage because it meant to be on the flight I missed but it was there on the carousel when I got there.
My Stuee was also there :) not on the carousel, but you know. I got off the plane. Started heading to baggage when I spied Stuart. He had just turned his back on me, without seeing me and headed into a shop! I could hardly believe it. I stood outside the shop watching him for a minute looking at the juice or whatever it was that had distracted him (?) He turned around and saw me. :)
I'm so happy to be back home with him. I'm also happy to have my emotions under control and my thoughts organised. I cried a little as my mum left me at the airport but since then I've been ok. I'm where I'm meant to be.
Yesterday I had a bit of a confrontation via twitter that left me really bothered and pretty embarrassed. I still stand by what I said but maybe with the lack of sleep and having to fit it into 140 characters I shouldn't have given her my advice on dealing with homesickness. I'd have worded it better if I'd had my wits about me.
People always ask me if I miss Scotland. Of course I do. I don't think anyone would expect an answer other than that. I miss Scotland a lot, it sort of breaks my heart. I miss my mum and dad loads. My way of dealing with it is to remember that I made this choice. When I feel out of control and sick and that it's not fair that I don't get to spend holiday's with my family or get to speak to them daily/weekly/sometimes monthly I just remember, I chose this. I'm here because I love Stuart. I want to be with him. Home is where my heart is and that's why I have two homes - not two hearts, just two homes ;) And that's ok!
If you're in a situation and you don't like it. If it's making you sick and miserable take control! Kick loneliness/homesickness/misery/upset in the face! You don't need it. Turn it around and send it packing. Have a good cry and then Be Happy!
If you're in a situation like I am and feel like you'r being forced to choose between two loves, if you feel torn, don't worry. You can have two favourites. Stuart is my favourite and my mum and dad are my favourite. They can share and I can share. I was touched that my mum didn't want me to leave. She was torn too but it's ok because she's happy to share me with Stuart because he loves me as much as she does - although they'd both argue that they love me more than the other.
And it feels so good to get that off my chest. It really eats me up inside knowing I've offended someone. The truth is, I would never EVER say something to intentionally hurt anyone. If I have upset anyone I am really sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and things have been coming out of the woodwork, things that aren't very nice but it comes down to what I just said. That's not an excuse for any offensive behaviour at all. I'd never hurt anyone on purpose. I'd also never say anything behind anyone's back that I wouldn't say to their face and I don't say mean things. That's not me. I hadn't expected twitter to be the first cause of my crying since arriving back in America. Hurting people's feelings must be higher on my list of upsetting things than homesickness is. Who knew?
Time is never ending but there is never enough of it. Use it wisely.