I thought that since I was able to leave home/country/family I would be able to successfully adapt to most other changes. I'm working hard on it but maybe I'm not as good at it as I thought.
I see so many other people make the same journey as me and they seem to keep it all together. I try too, by painting a rosier picture for myself. When it comes down to it though I feel like when I'm sinking I hit the bottom fast. It's fine. I'm realising now that being an adult means you have to, and are able to pick yourself up. Other people can't know how you feel life you don't express it.
It sounds depressing, I'm sure but I can see beauty in it. Some people have no family so they make family. It's a blessing to be able to do that. That there are people out there willing to be that for other people, when they don't have to be.
So no matter how far I am from my family, or how often I have to leave friends I have the ability to add to my collection of loved ones. It just takes some effort.
I'm not even homesick because I have been home and things there are not how they used to be. It's not so much to do with growing up and moving on as it is other things. I like how things were when I was 17. I like how things were when I was in Idaho. I like how things were last summer. I'm here now and I'm trying to make this as likable as possible.
I do like this. I like our little home and the sunshine. I like the little kittens living in our garden. I like Stuart and me. I like what the past has given me. I like this new chapter.
I need to find things to fill it up with or I'll have an empty 3 years to look back on. Although they won't be empty, will they? That's the thing about looking back, you see more than you did at the time.