* It's been a few weeks since I've been sick
* I can stay awake all day without randomly falling asleep
* I can go out for longer than 15 minutes before being ready to come home
* I can eat food again... lots and lots of food ALL the time
* I can cook food without being sick
* I get hungry really fast nowadays
* The baby is kicking all the time and keeps me awake at night
* I've had a touch of heartburn which is under control thank to Lara and this
* My hair has stopped being crispy and falling out
* I don't have much to complain about anymore... those were a rough 18 weeks though! * I'm half way done!
What I'm eating: egg salad sandwich for breakfast and watermelon all day long.
Last night your dad made some suggestions for dinner. Nothing was sounding that good until he said "fajitas". You wanted them, I wanted them. It was the unity between fetus and mother that I dream about and all thanks to your dad. I knew right then that we're all made for each other and that those fajitas had to be made for us too - if your dad knew what was good for him!
I ate 3. I stuffed us full of orange pepper and onion goodness, with some chicken in there just for the protein. We do need the protein. Cheese, sour cream, a little hot sauce... heaven! If we hadn't run out of tortillas I'd probably have eaten more.
Then later I felt you partying extra hard in there. I could imagine you sucking the last of those fajitas through your umbilical cord, desperately hoping for more but knowing it's best not to over do it with such a good thing.
I called your dad over to see if he could feel anything because lately I've been feeling you prod against my hand but your dad hadn't been able to feel it yet. He'd been wondering if you were too shy or if he'd offended you but I kept telling him, "soon love, soon you'll feel it. Don't worry." He'd put his face to my belly and say, "please, just kick me on the face. Pleeeease!" but I don't think the food I'd been giving you had made you excited enough to perform. We have been enjoying a lot of watermelon these past few days though, right? I hope that's been as good for you as it has been for me.
Anyway, last night your dad put his hand on my stomach and continued with his studying - he has 2 exams today. I was thinking to you "kick him hard so he feels it when he's not paying attention to us!" He put his books down and I put his hand where it needed to be and you DID it! It was a big kick, or probably a high 5. It startled me and made him jump. The look on his face was priceless and we started laugh-crying. It was one of the best moments of my whole life! It made up for the months of sickness, and I promise if I'm sick again I won't blame you. I really think that was one of the happiest moments of your dad's and my 7 years of marriage.
Thank you, Fetus. We love you.
Love and orange peppers, Your mum x
PS. I need to go and tidy up because your Aunty Kirsten's on a plane coming here right now and I thought that was happening next month... Do you think you can kick her too? I hope so.
I had my 4 month prenatal checkup with our midwife today. It was all good news: no keytones in my wee, blood sugars at 100, I finally put on my first pound, blood pressure is 120/164 AKA "amazing" says Stu... We heard the thump-thump and it's nice and strong. It was a good visit! We're getting ready for the ultrasound and to find out the gender, hopefully in the next week or so.
Yesterday we went to Ikea - the furthest from home I've been in a LONG time, and I survived. We managed to get what we needed and not much else. I don't think we've ever spent as little as we did at Ikea. We (Stuart) started cleaning out the room for the baby and built the storage unit we picked up. I'm loving feeling things come together - the belly growing, the bedroom transforming...
I've been quite reluctant to really blog about how excited I am right now because I have a lot of friends struggling with infertility at the moment. I suppose I feel guilty that I have what they want - and worse yet, that I'm happy to have what they want whilst they sit broken hearted... I've been there myself and there was never anything anyone could ever say to me to make me feel like things would be alright or fair.
The wait to come to terms with never having children seemed to take forever for me. I'd say a good 6 years or so. I began accepting it and gave up the burden of desperation to The Big Man in charge and it didn't take long before I was spending my time living more freely and learning along the way - I started getting healthy and losing weight, I got my degree in graphic design etc.
With the defenses gone I could honestly smile and be happy when friends would announce their pregnancies - their first, second, third, fourth pregnancies. It felt nice to be genuine and not have the cloud of selfish gloom hanging over me at those times. Without the, "why not me? what have I done to deserve this?" and other personal attacks I felt like I could breath and enjoy their special moment with them - like a true friend.
Infertility is personal though. It cuts to the core of your womanhood, womanly worth and faith. For me it felt like a punishment. I felt forgotten and a bit like a joke. God's own joke - "I put women down there to help multiply and replenish the Earth but not you, Laura! Neener neener neener!"
At this moment in time the wait seems like nothing. I hardly remember the angst of feeling and seeing my "monthly visitor". I hardly remember the crying, frustration, or depression now. I know it's made me more sensitive and in tune with others but when I think about it I feel calm instead of bitter.
Anyone going through this struggle will have heard, "everything happens for a reason", "your turn will come" - all words of wisdom from people who have what we want, people who never struggled or waited to get it. The truth is though, that things really DO happen for a reason.
Wait, trust and be patient because your turn WILL come. It's not going to be how you expect it - or it would have happened a long time ago BUT it'll happen and it'll make sense. It'll make the most perfect sense...