A couple of nights ago I was telling Stuart that I think I have a better understanding of how I'd answer the question, "if you only had a week left to live, how would you spend your time?"
It's been on my mind the fact that Stuart and I have spent almost 8 years together just the two of us. We have our own way of living, communicating, organising, functioning together. We're maybe not exactly like a well oiled machine but we'd pass as oiled at least. We're excited to add a new little cog to our machine and for this part of our lives to change.
We're making the most of these last couple/few weeks by pretty much doing nothing... together. It feels like Saturday every day and we love it! Granted, part of why we're doing nothing, together is because we're trying not to get sick by doing nothing, with other people but still... together is together and that's our favourite. If you had a week left to live you'd spend it together with a loved one, I'm sure of it.
The closer we get to meeting our baby, it seems that the people who were most excited for us have turned into warning sirens. The "you're going to be amazing parents!" and "this couldn't have happened to two more deserving people!" comments have turned into "you have no idea how hard this is going to be" and "better get some sleep now because you're not going to get any for the next few years" etc. The excited ones are now posting articles about SIDS and discussing birth defects in front of us. It's like people can't help but feel some need to try and "prepare" us for things already looming in the back of our parental minds. It only adds to the already sleepless nights and moments of anxiety and loneliness - yes I know how difficult this is going to be without having the comfort of my own mother by my side! Constant reminders like these are really not helpful. It feels like we're being set up for I-told-you-so's at one of the most delicate times of our lives.
Nothing baby related has been in our control from the beginning, that's why it took us so long to get to this point. I have faith that whatever does happen with also be right for us, that there is a plan no matter what. We're here now for a reason, we're ready for it, we want it...