Sunday, March 11, 2012

12 weeks.

I feel like I've just caught my breathe after a 3 month whirlwind. I didn't have trouble adjusting to having a baby but I've had trouble being Laura-with-a-baby. I just found myself now I think. I hope I'm here to stay for a while!

Autumn is a gem. She makes funny noises, she smiles and drools, she sleeps a few hours at night, she laughs in her sleep but not when she's awake. We can't wait for her to laugh when she's awake. Goodness knows we're trying our hardest, being our silliest to make that happen. We love her. She won't take a binky, looks gorgeous in yellow, growls and is kicking all the time, loves to fall asleep to rain sounds, hates lying down and tries really hard to sit up. I can't get enough of her.

I was very worried about post partum depression mostly because although we've been in California for a couple of years it's still quite unfamiliar to me and I don't know many people here. Turns out that if you know only a couple of people and they're the right people, you're golden. They're golden. Golden treasures and I love them.

Having a new baby is pretty exhausting with the physical recovery - goodness did that take a long time! My right leg is still pretty sore from the double shot of pitocin - really sore means it's getting better instead of the numbness I had for 10 weeks. Pitocin leg, painful privates, chapped bits and then trouble with birth certificates, and social security cards, going broke waiting for paperwork to file a tax return, deciding to drop out of Chiropractic school, planning to move to Utah to start over and trying to find somewhere to live, packing, having babies medical coverage cancelled unexpectedly... I could go on. The good news is that I have a comfy couch to sit on during all of this and a husband who does all the cooking and some cleaning, and grocery shopping and everything.

I like the idea of moving on and starting over whilst we're still at the start of this life chapter. I want to show Autumn the world, which means I need to see some of it myself too. We're excited to be closer to family again. A little noise and company is very welcome in our lives and we're looking forward to sharing her with them. Plus it's going to be so nice to have friends nearby again! Thank goodness for Rexburg and the friendships we made than, and whilst we're at it, thank goodness for facebook and the ability it's given us to keep in touch with those friends!

I've not struggled more than I can handle. Honestly, my lack of emotions had me worried for a while because the thought of post partum depression makes me so anxious. What if I have it but I don't notice? What if it's in me and eating me up from the inside out and I don't know it? It's not in my genes so I don't have to worry about it, says my mum. Plus, it's easy for me to say "life is wonderful", and I mean it too.